i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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