I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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