You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
