Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
