You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He better not be in your backpack
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
