Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
