Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
