What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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