omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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