and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
