I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am one with the molecules
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
