I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
