the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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