I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize