69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
