we have pet lesbian snakes
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
