I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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