don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
