All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
