I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
