you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
