Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
