He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
