i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize