What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
