I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
