her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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