Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she peed on how many people?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
