Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize