Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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