Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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