Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
