real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
