woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
