Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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