Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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