i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
