I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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