I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
