Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
