on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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