I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
