I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
