He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
