i permit you to call me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
