i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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