I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
