I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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