Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
