Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
