You work out of a Hotel?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
