Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
