My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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