the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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