what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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