and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
