I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
