Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
