...so i touched it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
