You smell like stripper and shame
only if we run a train.
done.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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