I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
