If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
