Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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