Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
