I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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