you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
