Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize