What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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