Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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