My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
