Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
