i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What drink are we having for lunch?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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