I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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