P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
