Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
