booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
