Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
