everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
