I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the condom got lost in my hair
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
